There it was, the moment had arrived, it was finished. In May of 2016 the long awaited surgery was complete. The brain tumor that would finish my journey to deafness had concluded. As I lay in that hospital bed and opened my eyes for the first time, life would NEVER be the same. I stared at faces as lips would move and silence erupted. Is this a dream? No, this is tomorrow and next week and next month. Not only could I not hear them, but NOW I couldn’t even hear myself. I wasn’t really planning on that. Am I loud? Should I whisper (as if I could even know how)? This is a major mountain to climb. How does a college graduate find work when I can’t even hear the phone ring, or make a meeting, or even human interaction. I am a janitor now.
Life has many obstacles that will make your head spin daily. Its not a matter of if but when. The question is, How do you survive with your emotions in tact. there are days when I just want to cry. There are days when I want to yell. But through it all I have peace. How in the world could a person have peace when they are now officially disabled? I can only say through Jesus is this possible. I can encourage myself every day, but its still not enough. I can take my prozac daily, but it is still not enough. I have to go to HIM. His word says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11;28
I can tell you definitively that nothing gives me the peace beyond comprehension like my relationship with Jesus. Since He is the only one I can HEAR now, there isn’t any more noise to get in the way. When I wake up everyday I can take a breath and be confident in knowing I am alright today. I am alright tomorrow. I am alright next month.